Thursday, April 2, 2009

Military Schooling 2 to sum up. If it takes 5 men 8 hours to peel 2 tonnes of potatoes then it will take only 3000 men 25 minutes to form a human bridge over 5 miles of stinking filth...Jenkins! Are you asleep?! I have eyes in the back of my neck!

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Another Doozy Dream

This is the first dream I have died in - a strange experience to be sure.

I am in a flat somewhere. It is not obvious where but it feels like Los Angeles ( I have no idea why it feels like L.A. ). I open a door and "what the fuck?" there is a field of Opium poppies growing under big industrial lights. I turn to a guy standing next to me and he says "Oh yeah - I'm dealing a bit of Opium."

Some murky unknown shit-hits-the-fan. I am told it would be a good idea to "drive into the sticks."

I am driving some big-mother 4x4 and come to a large crevice in the road. It has two logs that correspond to the width of my wheels so I attempt to drive over the crevice. Halfway across I screw up and the 4x4 slips off the logs and gets jammed. "Oh this is just fucking great" I think and I get out to take a look.

Well I am only right on top of some swanky cafe and looking at some big black guy's Caesar Salad. He is with his girlfriend. There are wood chips falling into the Caesar Salad.

He pulls out a gun and shoots me. I see the bullet all Matrix slow-mo like and it hits my chest.

Everything goes black (no shit - it really does.).

I remember thinking "Hey, being dead ain't so bad."

Monday, March 30, 2009

Military Schooling

"Jenkins! Put that celly down and stop texting - you won't be told again!

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Lessons Learnt Growing up in Manurewa

I walk past this everyday and really enjoy it. It speaks to my experience; is funny and causes me to reflect on my past. It uses language and phrases I haven't heard in a long time but are immediately familiar. It probably cost about $20 to make. It is unsigned. It is a lot of things art with an 'A' tries to be but is not.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Thursday, March 5, 2009

The End of the World

Anyone who thinks the end of the world involves floods and great balls of fire is mistaken. The end of the world will look like this...

Tuesday, March 3, 2009


I have been having some extraordinarily vivid dreams lately, something a put down to an increase of bulgur wheat in my diet and my practice of having a Single Malt as a nightcap. In one recent one I was involved in a protest on the side of a hill, for what I do not know. Next minute I was among some Union officials who where moving furniture into a tunnel in the side of the hill. Suddenly the place was full of Zombies and I had a bright pink Boa Constrictor snake as an ally in what was to become a full-on rumble. The Boa Constrictor let itself be eaten by another (larger) snake and then constricted it from the inside in a gory mess. I helped by performing BMX bike tricks, knocking off Zombie heads with my front wheel whilst doing 'wheel stands.'

Last night I woke in a cold sweat and repeatedly asked where I was. I cold not recognise my room for some time. Previous to that I had been riding a large mechanical Moa bird (being operated from within by an old friend, Wok, whom I have not seen for some years). We did battle with some Maori warriors. Managing to escape the skirmish the Moa and I found ourselves in a large car park where we loomed upon an elderly Japanese man. The look on his face turned from incredulity to absolute horror.

That was when I woke up asking where I was.